(Episode 10) LOVE AFFAIRS | A novel of the OmidanWURA_files By Segun Alonge Jr

‘Welcome to class!'
Omidan Wura announced as she stepped on the platform for yet another session of her mentorship class for the week.

I was not able to take much of your questions during the last class. The microphone is yours today.

But before that, permit me to share briefly, based on popular demand, my views and perceptions on relationships generally.

We all are created for relationships. A relationship is all encompassing - it's not just about romance and sex. We are humans and we need to relate with one another on that basis.

Kinds of relationships
1. Family bonds - You are born into a family. You grow into it. You cannot choose it - you cannot choose your siblings, neither can you choose your parents. You would have to accept them in good faith and if you don't want to, pack away from the house. But that does not sever the bonds still. It remains until eternity.

2. Friendship - You have the chance to pick as you want. No restrictions of age, gender, race, colour. I often say that perhaps, God's way of making up for our inability to choose our parents and siblings is giving us the freedom to make friends.

3.  Marriage/Romantic relationships - I know this is what most of you are waiting for. My perception on this is as follows:
~ I do not believe in dating except it is the same as friendship
~ I believe in a period called courtship
~ I believe in the institution called marriage

My understanding on marriage relationship is this: When a man meets a lady and after some period of friendship proposes a marriage relationship (and she takes her time to think or pray about it as the case may be) and on the long run gave a positive response, which settles it, the journey can then begin.

Her ‘Yes’ is her most powerful response. I believe when she says 'Yes', she meant it.

Note that when the man makes a proposal, he is doing so not for trial and error but because he is matured and ready to be married in months or few years.

These are my reasons for these conclusions:

I have studied over the years that most of the times when men propose, it's more like, I want to study her. I want to be sure if we can travel together or not. That's a misconception! Who says you can't decipher that during friendship?

We assume that - just as our religious leaders would say - until the last night of the wedding ceremony, you can still tell the lady/man you are no longer interested and that won't be divorce. To me, that is foolishness.

When I hear someone say, we started a marriage relationship and along the line, I realized that she has gone through series of abortions or he had led a terrible life in the past and for that reason, I decided to withdraw - I smell again selfishness and immaturity. You didn't meet him/her then, you met now.

We all have our past experiences - the good, the bad and the ugly. And when you say you are in love, you ought to really be in love.

Funny enough, initially, he might have probably said, God has led me, as we often hear in the Christian community. So,  would he now say God has misled or better still, he is leading him to another lady coupled with what he has heard, she is no longer eligible.

I do not go with that school of thought.

I do not go with it because I have seen its aftermath over the years. It's not helping us as a community of individuals neither is it strengthening the Christian faith. It's permitting sexual promiscuity and other irrelevances and indulgences that really should not be.

Enjoy friendship!

You can meet a person and maybe have feelings - the way we popularly say it but that should not be your basis for starting up something intimate - like a marriage relationship. The truth is you have your freedom. You can choose to be friends for years - even eternally.

Some seemingly perfect suitors would come your way but you are not meant to marry every one of them.
I tell people, the best way to learn about someone, especially the opposite sex, is not when you are engaged - it's while you are good friends.

When engagement sets in, you are committed - there is then a necessity on you. S/he would expect some things from you naturally. But at the stage of friendship, even the tiny acts of love would be appreciated. Being engaged makes it look more like a responsibility.

Don't misquote me now! I'm not saying that's the ideal - the attitude of gratitude should be your default character.

Let me share an instance. When you are married and your husband takes care of the baby you both have, you can't tell him thank you all the time. You do not see taking care of the baby as helping you but helping us.

Friendship opens people up naturally than when you are engaged or in marriage. I have seen people, who while they were friends cannot go some extents for each other claiming when they are engaged, they will. It might hold true but not in all cases. Those are the kind of engagements that end up with statements such as 'after all I did for him/her' - when it eventually hits the rocks and crashes.

You cannot afford to risk such a lifetime adventure. You have to be sure. The best way to get into a relationship which would be romantic is having an extensive time of friendship.
S/he should be one you can freely relate with. That is why the first assignment you have on earth is to know who you are. Knowing who you are would determine who you would be connected to for life.
Let’s say you are passionate about teenagers’ ministry. How beautiful would it be if God blesses you with someone in that line too?

I'm not saying you shouldn't explore other different aspects. It's going to be beautiful because even when some situations arise and you both are not flowing well - you might not even feel love - but there would still be a connecting link to constantly communicate.

I tell friends, if you know the person you are engaged to likes sports - say soccer - and you really love him, please pick up an interest in it. If you don't, it would affect your communication.

If you are engaged to Omidan Wura, a voracious reader, you have to pick it up. It's a habit and it can be acquired over time. At times, your partner might want to withdraw for some time to study or maybe work on a book project - but you want to talk and spend time together. If you speak the same language, or a similar one, you both can talk about it.

As a matter of fact, you could even make contributions to the project. Or better still, one might be writing a book while the other takes up a professional course for the same duration.

One of the reason why some couples find marriage boring compared to their courtship stage is because that have crushed their creative ingenuity as regards finding new ways of expressing love and affection. Now that we are married, it doesn't really matter anymore, they would say. Those hide and seek games you play during courtship are still permitted.

Make him long to see you! Make her await your homecoming.

A husband once lamented that he had long missed the lady he married. But the reality is that they still sleep and wake up together in the same room.

I subscribe to being friends first before talking about being engaged for marriage. That would make your courtship period not too extensive thereby preventing your raging hormones from actualizing their desires.

Having an extensive time of friendship would make you share many things in common. In fact, even without verbal communication, the other party can pick when you are down. And if you don't eventually get married, no regrets!
Let me entertain your questions now......

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