smaj publishing house

Be sure you are not a mere alternative or just one to while away time with. Commitment does not begin after marriage. If it is not evident now, it won't after marriage. Genuine love is not just one at a time but one for life. True love would pass the test of singularity.

Love is not self-centred. The goal should be to give all of you to the other person. Be opened to receive love. When you constantly think about the possibility of heartbreak, you cheat yourself of the happiness and peace of mind NOW. The one who intends to take advantage of you would fail the love tests. It won't be long before you see the true colours. The lifelong journey ahead requires an agreement on vital issues of life from the outset. Don't ignore the warning signs in the name of love. That's stupidity! Strictly from SMAJ archive

The times spent together should not always be for food and movies. There are so much that should be known. Love longs to know so much about the other person: dreams, desires, hopes, family and interests. Who are the friends you met him/her with? Do not ignore them. They have played and might continue to play a huge role in decision-making processes. You cannot know too much. Show deep interest. It's not too early to begin to support and help birth or/and expand visions and aspirations.  Strictly from SMAJ archive

Any relationship that would last,  would require quality time investment. Time would prove the genuineness of the acclaimed love. Don't be afraid to subject your relationship to the test of time. When pressure begins to set in, irrational decisions are not far-fetched.  Attractiveness is not enough to validate love. You can be attracted to several persons in a day. Be real with yourself first.  Look out for the beauty within.  Grow together! You would find out if you can love and tolerate each other. If not, do the needful immediately.  Not all quality relationships lead to marriage. You can be friends forever. The married life requires a higher level of commitment and tolerance. I have seen good friends who cannot live together for an extended period of time.  Strictly from smaj's archive

She came back from a 3-day trip with her mentor on a ministerial assignment. She had invited me to come along but busy schedules would not let me. I deliberately reduced our level of communication via chats so as to make her focus on the assignment she went on. It was a different ball game when she came back. I noticed our conversations were dry and brief. I drew her attention to it; requesting to know what the matter was. Nothing! ‘I am good,’ she responded. I knew something was wrong. She wasn't happy when I told her I won't be free to go on the trip with her but she never complained. So, I assumed she reasoned with me. ‘Don't tell me there is nothing. Your reaction had changed since you came back,’ I pressed ‘I guess it's just mood swings,’ she submitted ‘Mood swings again?’ I have learnt from past experiences that whenever she used that statement, the reality was that she has something in mind that she does not want to share. So...

Stanley's Birthday was around the corner but no party in view. He was now often seen with Jumoke than me - a new development I gladly embraced. They began what appear to me as a journey to spiritual growth together. They played together, studied the Bible together and all other in-between. I had initially wanted to take that up with Jumoke but I refrained. I didn't want to cloud her vision or influence her choice of eventually accepting my proposal. They spent evenings together and when Stanley would retire for guy's gist in the evening; nothing would be said about how the day was spent with regards to her. He hardly even mentions her now during our conversations. My instinct was a little bit suspicious initially but I silenced it's suggestions. I was sure that what I now know about her within some months, Stanley can never have known even though they had been friends from campus. I sat on that vantage point as a leverage over any other suitor. They both embarked ...

Femi came right on time! He was friendly. He provided a shoulder to lean on and before I knew what was happening, I had already fallen in love with him. He was a working class man with a reasonable take home every month. He showered me often with gifts and affirmed that he was ready for marriage. He promised marriage won't affect my academics and he would be responsible for its continuation. I trusted him to the call but kept something back from him - a visit to my house. I was hunted by past encounters. Sade, a female friend of about a year had earlier called off our friendship when she visited me. She had claimed I was not in her class. I was ashamed of myself and vowed since then not to allow even female friends visit me except those I had known from childhood. It wasn't long before I found out that Sade was Femi's ex. I was just checking through photos on his phone that fateful day when I came across Sade's pictures. Not one, not two. And the poses in the pictu...