(Episode 10 final) LOVE AFFAIRS | A novel of the OmidanWURA_files By Segun Alonge Jr

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What age is right for a marriage relationship?
Ladies, especially we sisters (in the Christian faith), want someone who would be a spiritual giant (that should be the default anyways) with all other aspects of his life totally perfect.

But a point of caution here is this – the fact that a brother can call heaven down and he looks like God’s younger brother does not make him the best match for you. In fact, in some cases, that might be a mere public persona. We often judge based on what we see in public – try to know his person and be sure that’s really a lifestyle.

Don’t fall into wrong hands! Many have mixed with the fold today with an intention of devouring godly sisters and all they need to do is ‘act’ for a while. They just try to discover what you want and pretend to possess those attributes – when indeed they do not.

A man can do anything or go any length to get what he wants.

Some are also of the habit of approaching as a mentor and before you know it, a mentee becomes a fiancée. You cannot bank on all of those gimmicks. Consider the number of years you are going to spend together.

Are you sure you can put up with him for that long? You might not be able to ascertain the future but you can still pick up along the line who the person really is if you have not decided to shut out your spiritual and physical faculties.

For instance, if you are in a school setting (students environment) and the brother is an executive in his fellowship/church, you can compare his lifestyle in office with when out of office. Is he still consistent? In a case where the brother is genuine, by that I mean he is truly what he is publicly, I would still advise you take your time before making a choice.

I have heard ladies say they can’t just put up with some brothers because all they would want to do is pray, study and attend programs – no social functions whatsoever.

If you know these entire prior to engagement, and you know deep down within that you can’t put up with them, I advise you don’t stick your neck into it. If you do, you might end up patching up through life.

You can never say, the brother might be down-to-earth with what he is saying or doing and he does not know how to balance a romantic relationship with the work of the Lord.

You would only be dying there as a pastor’s wife and lamenting while women would be coming to you – seeing you as a role model in leading a fulfilled home, for advice – when you do not have a practical example to share.

So many people go through that frustrating experience. They know they are going through that same challenge but due to their position, they just have to advice. Whereas they do not even enjoy half of what the church member enjoys and she still complains. They would think to themselves, ‘if only I have what she has’.

Before anything gets serious, please know where s/he is heading. If he cannot pick the concept of a balanced life, I don’t think he is ready yet. Probably he needs some more time or he is not just into the idea of marriage. Perhaps, along the line, the Lord would obstruct him and present ‘the woman’ – and that would be if you are still available.
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What about temperament blends?
I don’t really see that as an issue if both understand each other. You can build a relationship with someone very loud just as you. You might just have to pad your walls so neighbours would not be disturbed.

What would help both of you is your foundation and understanding. Maturity is important here too. I have seen marriages where the man is cool headed and the woman clearly opposite. She always blurts out at situations she feels he should take a quick decisive action. But all he would say is, ‘sweetheart, please calm down. I am right on course’. Most of the times, he wins! There is wisdom in taking your time and keeping your cool on some delicate issues. You don’t rush into eating hot buns - you would get your palate burnt.

In a case where the lady agrees to be melancholic and she feels the man is sanguine, she should communicate it while they are friends. If there is an attitude she cannot put up with, it should be discussed while they are in a relaxed mood.

If she finds out that its just natural with him, the next question she needs to ask herself is if she can put up with that for life. If she cannot, she should not even consider giving her ‘Yes’ in the first place.
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What about how to respond to a proposal?
(Smiles)
This is getting interesting!
Alright! Let’s say she has thought it out and she is looking forward to the best time to give her consent.

I would say, response is not as difficult as the proposal – its only in very rare occasions that she would later say, ‘Yes’ and the gentleman would say I am sorry, but I am no longer interested.

I do not have an ideal pattern as much as I believe that there is no ideal pattern. You could just be creative with it.

For instance, you both might go on a date and you open up a conversation along that line – which most times, the gentleman would always want to initiate. Open it up in a way to make him re-present the proposal. I leave the ‘how’ to you. That would make it fresh and the response would be delivered.

You could even send a text or put a call through – its only in the proposal that I do not subscribe to the gentleman making it known via text, call or chat. That to me is like treating a lady less than she is. I knew a lady who waited until the gentleman’s birthday for the year and she made a cake for him – writing the words, ‘I DO’ on it.

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