(Episode 10 Cont'd) LOVE AFFAIRS | A novel of the OmidanWURA_files By Segun Alonge Jr

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Do you believe in love at first sight?
I believe in love at first sight because I love humanity generally - but it depends on your definition of love. My love is not romance. If you talk about an attraction, that’s normal with humans - even animals are attracted to one another.

We are always attracted to something, someone or another. If you are going to base your love life on attraction, that means we all would be practicing polygamy - because even in a day, I would see three, four, more men that I'm attracted to - but that does not imply that I would accept every of their proposals.

Doing that would make me a high definition prostitute. Liking or having an attraction for someone is normal.

It's OK to like or love at first sight - just appreciate verbally or any other 'ly' and move on.

I have listened to great speakers and got so fascinated to the point of desiring a relationship - friendship. It doesn't infer that I long to be married to them all. Friendship! That's all. I just want to share their world and they, mine too, if they wish. There would always be attractions at first sight.
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What about crushing on someone?
(Smiles)
Let me start by defining the word 'crush' according to Oxford English dictionary, picking only the meaning as it applies here.

Crush is an informal word meaning an infatuation - it's only a feeling. Feelings are transient!

Now, to our widely accepted definition - or better still, the definition of our day! A crush is someone who you really desire to receive a proposal from or you would really like to propose to but because Judeo-Christian belief says that a man should propose and not a woman - you decide to stoop low to probably doing things to instigate his proposal - like buying expensive gifts, living on assumptions, getting close with frequent calls.

Normally, when these and more are done overtime, something might build up. That's just natural with humans.

If you talk to someone frequently and you have not defined your relationship, naturally with time, there would be a sort of bonds between both of you. You might not intend that before but it would grow.

We are humans; we get attracted to so many people - even in a day. The more people you meet, the more 'crushes' you have. If a crush means an attraction, then it's normal.
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Permit me to add this for the purpose of clarity. Do you know what it means to love someone? Loving someone means you love the person all together. It means you love the person's family, siblings, good and bad character, bad breathe (if s/he has), personality and all the in between.

If you say at first sight, then that would not be possible, save you love by faith. But your statement, at first sight nullifies that already.
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What about a one sided attachment on the lady's part?
In a situation where you have feelings for a man and he seems not to even look in your direction, I would suggest you give your heart good rest. You don't have to keep assuming for too long.
And in cases where it appears that the crushing is mutual but he is not opening up for months, years - please what are you both up to? Don't crush yourselves until you both turn to granules - just define it.

Ideally, the man should approach the lady. So says the creator of the great Institution called marriage. If we would follow the pattern and the lady is thirsting within; whereas the man is not looking towards her direction - I would advise she speaks up to someone about it.

If she speaks to the man in question about it, then I don't think she can expect anything from him any longer. If a relationship is built on that foundation, it would appear as though the man gave a 'Yes' to console her which would not be ideal.

Along the line, there might be a misunderstanding and the lady would revert into saying, 'I don't blame you - I caused all of this.' The man might not necessarily be acting on that basis but she would be thinking in that direction.

I believe that the all wise creator of marriage has a reason for saying the man should look out. So, if anything goes wrong, he would have to take up the full responsibility because he initiated it. And the lady can proudly say, 'I didn't force you into a relationship, you approached me while I was busy with purpose.'

It's not as though we are inferior as ladies or we don't have words or rights. If you open up to him and he eventually proposes, I won't subscribe to you building a relationship on that.

Simply tell him thanks for appreciating and respecting your person and keep being friends if you want to. But I would still advise she speaks with a friend, confidant or mentor about it – you guys could just laugh it off.

If the feelings are mutual and the man does not have the courage to propose, I would say, he is still a boy. There is still much work for him to do on himself.
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