(Episode 6 Cont'd) LOVE AFFAIRS | A novel of the OmidanWURA_files By Segun Alonge Jr

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Growing deep in your relationship with God is like two love birds just starting out. You know how it is . . . (smiles). They always want to be together. It is called communion.

I recall visiting ‘him’ some months before our marriage. We decided to dedicate the day for a real time out together. The whole day was filled with laughter and happy moments.... It was as though the day would never end but it sure did. I had to travel back home but the conversation continued deeper and deeper. Such communion is still enjoyed till tomorrow. We aren’t just lovers, but friends too.

You need to build a relationship with God and yourself before someone else. People’s compliments should not dictate how you feel about yourself. As a matter of fact, feelings fluctuate. It is love you need to have for ‘you’.

If your relationship with God is based on feelings, I’m sad to announce to you that it would never stand the test of time. There are many times I do not feel Him, but I love Him still. Love is a commitment. Choose to love you no matter what.

I often hear ladies say, ‘I do not want a too spiritual brother’. So what do you want? A canal brother? A demon? ‘Oh! Not that,’ they say, I mean just a ‘normal’ person. It is sad how we are quick to forget that we are spiritual beings in a tent called body. The spiritual life is our normal state.
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2. Seek a whole life as a single person
I have counseled so many young adults whose marriage relationships - a promising one at that, became a mess and they both parted ways. Listening to them as they relay their past experiences – one would never nurse the thought of a breakup. But the reality is, it has happened. You cannot force someone else into marrying you – even if it was ‘thus saith the Lord’.

Most of them come to me shattered and torn apart. Some even considered suicide. Where do I start from, they lament?
I believe God has blessed me with large ears and heart to patiently listen to them as they pour it out on me as though I was the heartbreaker.

This peculiar statement, ‘After all I have done for him/her’ is not farfetched like it’s kept in their cheeks while they come visiting. Your life should not be entirely dependent on a spouse… Let alone when you are still unmarried. Your life should be dependent on God.

If you have not enjoyed singleness before you met him/her, a breakup would come with likelihood of suicide... or as some other persons - finding someone else almost immediately. Oftentimes, any opposite sex coming to present a shoulder to lean on becomes the fresh catch.

Permit me to chip this in, very important. That period is not the time to opt out for a new relationship-although the world would tell you to replace him/her. A marriage relationship is not a trial and error deal.

Whenever I see young lovers doing things and buying expensive gifts for one another, the question that comes to mind is, ‘are they really doing this for love or to get something in return? What many claim to be love is merely a barter system of trade. ‘I can do anything for him because we would still end up marrying’ so when breakup sets in, they say. ‘After all I have done for him’
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Read also: (Episode 6) LOVE AFFAIRS | A novel of the OmidanWURA_files
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The motive behind your relationship should be love. Be like your father, he blesses all liberally. You must be dazed to know that some young adults have built a career around romantic relationships. You would hear statements like: ‘She’s my 5th...7th...10th. If on the average, he spends a year with each of them and he is now 23 years old, do the arithmetic.

Fulfillment is intrinsic not extrinsic. No one can make you a worthwhile person. Seek a whole life as a single person. Be stable and balanced before looking out. Don’t make yourself a burden on others.
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3  Develop interest beyond home, work, school, church
I posed a question to some young adults some months ago. The question was, ‘how do you define boredom?’ A simple and straight forward question, right?

The looks on their faces was an entire opposite. Just like that instance when someone asks you to spell your name. Thoughts like, ‘Is there something new about spelling one’s name that I do not yet know” would flood your mind almost immediately.

I was greeted with a long silence before someone braced up and gave her own definition of the word. The conversation ended with my proposal that boredom is a mirage. It does not exist in my world. I’m always certain to keep around one picture, symbol, resource that inspires me. I create the atmosphere I want to see out of what I have.

Quit the feeling that your life is boring, that your friends are not good enough and romance will magically solve your problem. It has never solved it. Start to take up one hobby or brush up on the ones you already have. Pick anything that interests you - perhaps, playing a music instrument, learning a new language. Just take up something.
I am too busy to get bored.

I have found out that people who complain about boredom are often boring themselves – just like hurting people hurt people – when they turn themselves into objects of pity. Be passionate about investing in others. Interact with people.

You cannot marry every of the lady/man that comes your way but you can build a reasonable and impactful relationship with each and every one of them. Startup a conversation with someone you are attracted to – it’s not synonymous with flirting.

Just talk about a casual topic – nothing real deep into your private life – and listen for his/her opinions.
I naturally get attracted to someone who reads regardless of the sex. Hardly will you catch me without a book - handy. I don’t want to have spare time except the times for rest. Books! Marvelous companions!

Back them, mom would always marvel at the sight of my bed - occupied with books as though the shelves were damaged. I would lazily push them to one side as I lay to sleep on the other side. I became addicted to reading. The tide has turned now because there are more responsibilities.

I sure would have fallen sick if not that he is as passionate about knowledge as I am, In fact, more than I do. It is often like a competition. We are not just married, we are partners.
To be continued....

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